Part 44: Hopper Rouley and the Plot of this Game

Hopper Rouley and the Plot of this Game

When we last left Thorn Brenin's inept self he was determining what sweet nothings he should whisper to the lovely Adna.





The thread unanimously voted that Thorn is a dumbass and I can't argue with their logic.

: I don't understand what you are talking about.

Incidentally, this is the correct choice. Sassing Adna means she instantly cutscene kills Mact. What, you did all the shit to get the secret character by accident? Joke's on you! Rogue-like storytelling!

: The one who could understand has already sped off to see a new body. He should be grateful-I rid him of such an ugly hulk. It will not do him any good, mind you. Nor you-unless you hide in Opacum. It's going to get dangerous here very soon.

: But won't it also be dangerous in Opacum? Or are you saying the Reaping has no power over it? And just why are you so concerned about us anyway?





Goddammit. Look, I know I keep harping on the writing of this game, but this game has no other gameplay than read the worlds and engaging its awful, awful combat system. We've established combat is bad and you just need to use the one true strategies to cheese it. This isn't something where I can forgive bad writing because the gameplay is good, reading all of this crap is central to the intended Ash of Gods experience.

Whatever. I owe you a summary.






Oh, yes, I missed a few dialog options between Mact and Drooket last update. If anyone is dying to see them I can update, but it's just Thorn and Mact arguing over whether Mabok is an evil cannibal or Drooket in disguise.



I mentioned this before but the twins disappeared.







This battle is kinda tricky as Gells here get a +1 attack boost for every one of them that dies. This is much better as the AI because they're gonna be losing troops (hopefully) more than you. They cannot stand against the Thorn Brenin Doofus Jump Buff Circlejerk, however, and die as they lived.



Cool, a few more days of strixes before we gotta start taking injuries!



: Gleda steps over Mabok's body, takes the package clutched in his hand and gives it to Brett. Then she straightens up and looks you in the eye.



Again. Proofreaders.





It only took them this long to question it! Don't worry, we're going to figure out the entire Evil Plan this update!



Some of you might notice the update is titled after Hopper. This Lo Pheng chapter is incredibly short.





: Support Amma.

: You stop to wait for Amma, then, nodding courteously, take her by the arm. You immediately feel a terrible weight pressing down on you. Your vision goes dark, and you can barely hold on to consciousness.



What the hell did Hopper ever see in this woman? Seriously, she's awful!

: You turn to hear the sound of hooves approaching. A band of Berkanan soldiers rounds the bend. They're obviously being pursued.



This is still a Lo Pheng, battle, so we know what that means.



You can't actually double stack Cloud Tower, but the preview is funny.

Anyway, Lo Pheng baits with Cloud Tower, Khama and the girls massacre the left sight Gells (blocked by the UI), and we get:



Turns out Lo Pheng is still an extremely dangerous badass.



: Reet rushes to the wounded man before you can ask. She kneels beside him, then waves to you reassuringly. "He's alive! He's bleeding, but not much. No need to worry! The Gells got it much worse. I'll help him."



Wow, the game just decided to throw all the good characters into Lo Pheng's path, I see.



: Show respect to the prince.

: You nod. "I'm honored I've been able to help the royal house of Isana."

: Hederlig gestures apologetically. "Well, you're the first Eikon I've ever seen, I just have one question-how can I repay your kindness?"

: Reet looks at you, then at Hederlig. "Your Highness, we need to get to Opacum. We're escorting a woman... a healer. She's heading to the dead menhir."

That is an interesting description of Amma as she has no regard for human life and is pretty much out for herself right now.

I can't fault Reet for saying this as our last heart-to-heart with her was "I don't trust Amma at all", and telling Hederlig we're being browbeaten into escorting a crazy witch won't go over well.







: Should a warrior flee from the enemy?



: Is Opacum the only safe place?



: What is Berkana going to do about it?



: I have no further questions.



: I'll ask her about it.

: As soon as she can speak, Your Highness. She's indeed knowledgeable, but she is exhausted from travelling. Your man is only lightly wounded and will recover soon enough. Oh, your guards are finally looking for you!



I can't even blame him for being mad, those guards wandered off and left him at the mercy of strangers.

If any of them mentions a magic hag casting a sleep spell I swear...


And yea, we get instantly teleported to Opacum the next time we see Lo Pheng.



We are really close to endgame, folks!



Welcome to Opacum. Are you ready for PLOT?

The menhir is labeled "The mystery of the lifeless sacred stone is gnawing at your mind. You should have a look at it."

So we do.



: A short distance from the gate, you see the mysterious rock jutting out of the ground like a black fang. You've been to Opacum many times, and every time you've stood here, admiring the ominous, lifeless menhir and the white ruins, smashed and pushed into the ground beneath it. Over the centuries, the menhir has become part of the wall, while the white boulders have practically disappeared. In fact, all you can see is a single cracked lintel which used to rest on a row of columns.



: Someone stands behind you, not too close, not too far either. Only for a moment you believe that it's Amma, your lost and estranged love. Listening carefully, you realize that it's someone else, familiar yet different. She has come to speak to you, and it's not a conversation you can avoid.



Remember when I said she was gonna be important?



: (Irritated) I wouldn't have! But your mother drove me here with promises, riddles, and cunning! She even cursed me! Just who is your mother?

Wait.

Chila, the Reaper Childao, had a kid? With a human, presumably?

Just who is getting redeemed?



What the fuuuuuuuuuuu

: This is the least of my concerns at the moment. Tell me. can I be rid of the curse in Opacum or not?



"No no the cryptic bullshit is for you to figure out. I just work here."

: Why are you here? Where are my secret words? Are they on the menhir? There's nothing? Where's the stone I'm supposed to read?

: You've come to the right place, Blance, but you are looking the wrong way. The words you need are on the white stone, which is much more ancient than the menhir crushing it. Come closer and you'll see.

Is it me, or is Philia really rubbing it in?

: I've studied the ruins of the ancient chapel a thousand times and I've never seen a single word inscribed on them! Who could have done it? The Opacum guards keep a close watch on the menhir, even though it's been dead for a thousand years.

: (Looking at the stone) Yes, I see an inscription. It wasn't there before. "...because you carry misfortune within you."

: Because you carry misfortune within you. You look dumbfounded. Is there anything else written on the stone?



This is the game telling us we got all the riddles. What does this get us? Keep reading to find out!





What the fuck does any of this mean?

: Where's the seventh stone then? It all started with these instructions: "Follow the guiding one. Collect the seven parts of wisdom. Read this and be saved." Where is the seventh fragment? I'm in Opacum. There is nowhere else to go. My hand is black and my heart is wracked with pain.



Fuck this!

: Think... That's it? What am I supposed to do with this message? How can I save myself?

: (Handing over a package) I have nothing else to say. You can have your book back. Mother sends it with apologies for... borrowing it. Great power is held within, though not in the paper nor the binding.



Again, the only way this makes sense to me is as a Christian allegory where God (Chila) moves in mysterious ways. There's not really a reason Chila couldn't have just walked up to Hopper, said she was trying to stop the Reaping, and sent him to the 7 places to get stuff or even asked if he was willing to take the curse to weaken the Reaping. Remember, he still has no idea she's a nice Reaper - he even ran into her at the inn and didn't recognize her at all.

She even had golden eyes and everything.




Next up is Coronzon.



Dude, your fixation on a 16 year old girl is never going to not be creepy, especially when the game is playing the "Immabadguy" music.

: (Bowing) I followed him to Friga and looked for his trail on the roads leading to Opacum. I must have outpaced him, but I expect him to arrive by the end of the day, barring any accidents.

..Why is Hopper suddenly deferential? Before, he called Coronzon a murderer to his face. They're alone in this room, as far as I can tell.

: I hope you are not mistaken. Is it true that Thorn was pardoned? Unless he's done something insane since then, there will be a place for him on the walls of Opacum.

: Tell me, why are you still in Opacum? The Frisians are approaching. It's not like you to stay in a besieged fortress. Don't make excuses, I know that you consider bravery foolish.



This is...kind of important, but I make the choice for us anyway. More on this when we see the results.

: Are you still mad at Treeg?



Gee, is Coronzon a bad man who is bad?

: You owe me, Coronzon. Thanks to you, my whole arm has turned black. Tendrils of this darkness are crawling toward my heart. I ask of you, leave King Treeg be!

This stops Coronzon from trying to kill him, but hoo boy, Treeg pissed off a lot of people. Including me.

: Why do you request King Treeg? Since when do you take interest in officials? You normally protect the weak and the poor.



I don't get this. Literally every decision we've seen Treeg make has been bad and dumb.



: Why did you need Thorn?

: Need Thorn? What makes you think that? Did I say so? No, I don't really need him. I was just curious. It's not every day that you see someone who could withstand a Reaper.

Again, I don't see why Thorn is special. Kendi did the same damn thing. Lo Pheng actually beat Atraakh in a fight twice so bad he had to come whine to Hopper about it.

: Did you plan to test him yourself?



That's not ominous at all!

: What are they preparing to do in Opacum?

: What can you arrange in Opacum? It's a clean place Isn't that what it's called? As if the lands swept by the Reaping were filthy!

: The Umbra from Frisia did not focus on Opacum for no reason, did they?



: If you don't need me anymore, I'd like to take my leave.



Fuck you, Coronzon.




: You look around for someone who could offer an explanation, but all you see are troubled face, as ignorant of what is happening as you are. In times of war, the tolling of a bell seldom heralds good news.

: There is commotion at the souther gate. Several riders enter. They are too few to be reinforcements, yet too numerous to be messengers. You strain your eyes and begin to recognize their faces. You brace yourself for the ill news.





: Once again, something interrupts your brooding and awakens you from your stupor. It looks like another company has arrived in Opacum. Is this Treeg's mounted rear guard catching up to him in the fortress? The riders are wounded, and their horses exhausted.

: Prince Hederlig is also here. Heiborg must have fallen, cutting off the road to Berkana. That's the only explanation for such a ragged company coming to Opacum. The fortress will soon be besieged from all sides.



I wasn't kidding when I said Lo Pheng and co got teleported to Opacum.





No go away you suck.

: I am delighted to see you, and I am quite grateful to you for healing my son. If only it were not for the misfortune of him running off after Thorn again. My men couldn't catch him. Where is Thorn? What have you been doing all this time? I'm holding out hope that you do not incur my wrath.

: Your Majesty, I ask the gods to spare me from your wrath. We followed Thorn's trail in Opacum and anticipated his arrival. I'm sure he'll arrive by the end of the day. I hope he brings Hode with him.



Fuck, he wants exposition!

: The Reapers wish for Opacum to fall.

: Then why did they give me an escape route that would lead me here? The Reaper did not just split open Heiborg's defenses-it cleared the road to Opacum!



: The secret of Opacum lies within its menhir.

: Is it not dead? Who needs a menhir that hasn't healed a single ailing suppliant?

Remember, only our PCs know that the menhirs actually run off pain to teleport in Ense murder squads, empower Reapers, and do other cutscene crap.



: The Reapers are not aiding Frisia.

: That does not seem quite accurate. It's the Berkanan fortresses the Reapers are taking, Berkanan warriors they're setting at each other's throats/ How does that not count as aiding Frisia against us in this war?

: The past has taught us that the Reapers do not aid anyone. They are Berkana's enemy as much as they are Frisia's. When they crush one, the other rejoices and considers it aid, until it too is destroyed.

: (Raising his arm) I can see that your wisdom is overpraised. You'd better be a finer chronicler than an advisor. We are at a pivotal point in history, and what follows is worth writing down in your annals. Do not miss anything!

This is the same order given by Atraakh the Reaper, amusingly enough.

: (Bowing) You can rely on me, Your Majesty. Everything I witness will be recorded, and you'll certainly receive a copy of the scroll for your archives.






We have some plot important conversations, and some pointless bullshit.

Let's do the bullshit first.



: (Laughing) Something like that. I don't need to spy on you here. There's nowhere to go, and there are others who will watch over you anyway. Now, are we just having a laugh or did you have questions for me?

: The matter is, Ake is too busy, and I would like to know something about the coming siege.



: Are there many soldiers in the fortress, Mushom?

: We've enough men to fight back three Frisian legions. Remember, Hopper, that Opacum's bastions have never been taken. We also have plenty of water and food in the fortress.



: How far is the Frisian army from Opacum?

: Not all the patrols have returned yet. We cannot be absolutely certain, but it's likely that the Frisians will be here by the end of the day. We barely made it, Hopper.



: Any news of the Berkanan army?

: There are different rumors, but I wouldn't hold my breath. The Berkanan army has its own tasks of protecting Ursus, Jera, and Albius. We can manage without it, and Opacum is just on the edge of Berkana.



: Good luck to you Mushom. I have to go now.

: My thanks, same to you. Remember, he finds glory who seeks it. Who knows, I might even earn a captain's insignia. Now that would sure be something, wouldn't it?






Now you might think we'd actually be talking to Ake here.



You'd be wrong.

: You have to restrain yourself from wincing. Ake doesn't need to know what happened to Rask. Meanwhile, Padagang is looking at you as if he's reading your mind. You nod to him and try to ask something, but Ake interrupts.

: The big fellow laughs and taps the Vandil on the shoulder. "Padagang's gonna arrange our stay and dinner, so we won't have to huddle in a barracks. Well, King Treeg will arrive shortly; I have to deal with some urgent matters,"

The king demands...a shrubbery!



Did the makers of this game realize they had a whole set of character portraits they used once or some shit?



Yea, get ready for Pointless Padagang Backstory! You may remember him as our provider of Magic Hankies, but he has...not much more we care about.



: Did you flee Albius because of the Reaping?

Some of these questions make Hopper look like a complete dumbass, but if I have to transcribe all this shit from screenshots, YOU get to sit through it!

: You cannot escape the Reaping. What unnerved me more were the people. Or were they even people? Some wear monster's skin, others-a cardinal's robes. Still others wear regular clothing, just as you do.

: You can see these things? Did you have shaman ancestors? You saw the Reaper then? But you ran away from the cardinal, not from the Reaper Why are you not running away from me?



: Did you see anything out of the ordinary in Albius?

: I've seen sorcery of all kinds. It is like a blinding light to me. First, a young woman came to Albius, and I swear I've never seen a finer lass in my entire life. After that, it seemed to me that the sky went dark with storm clouds. It was then that the Reaper appeared. Finally, when the bell began to peal, the darkness started to dissipate.

: What can you tell me about Thorn Brenin? Or his daughter? Are they sorcerers too? How did they resist the Reaper?



I don't think we've learned anything new from this conversation.

: Why did you decide to stay in Opacum?

: It's easier to breathe here. The plague I narrowly escaped in Albius seems to be less potent. Even the cardinal here is... different. I'm nevertheless afraid these blessings won't last.

: Why is that? And why are you here if they will not last?



: That's it for questions, but there is something I want to tell you.



: I knew that Rask had perished the moment it happened. I sensed trouble in him. Just like I sense it in you. I'm no sorcerer of course, I just feel it. I won't prattle on, I promise. No need to draw attention.



The top option is the stupidest, so I pick it.

: Are you a sorcerer by any chance?

He literally just said he wasn't.

: Seeing things doesn't make one a sorcerer. I went for a stroll around the fortress on my first day here. The ruins beneath the menhir fascinated me. I don't know whether you looked carefully enough, but there used to be an inscription here. Now it's gone.

: Why did you not read it when you saw it? Perhaps it was meant for your eyes!

: That's unlikely. I had shaman ancestors, but I'm not one myself.




The Amma convo glitches out here.





: Hello, Scheck, I will likely not be the only one asking questions. Everyone in Opacum is wondering what has happened to Heiborg.

That was at the bottom of the map. After Hederlig bailed Dorpkhal and his mind slaves hit that fort next.



: Why did you not retreat to Ursus or Jera?

: Did you hear what I said about the corduroy road? Thousands of Gells and Vandils used it to cross to the Old Gebonan Road and block it off completely. We didn't plan to burrow in Opacum. There was no other choice! It's as if we were driven here.

[i

: Did you send for reinforcements?

: Of course we sent for reinforcements, though I fear no messenger got through. I've seen carrier pigeons picked off with arrows just outside Heiborg's towers.



Really?

: The Reapers do not personally fight in wars.

WHAT THE FUCK DID SHECK JUST TELL YOU



Irony!



: How did Hederlig end up in Heiborg?

: Same way we ended up in Opacum-the enemy left no other route. Hederlig planned to head east, but he couldn't go anywhere other than Heiborg. A hard battle was fought at its walls, and the prince of Isana could have perished were it not for Lon.

: I would have never taken Lon for a good warrior. Doesn't quite have the countenance. How are the two monarchs getting along? Bickering about who should lead?



: Where did you meet the white-haired woman?

: Amma, you say? What makes you think she's here? She keeps to herself. She even has bodyguards; they helped us wipe out the pursuing enemies near Opacum. One of the guards is an Eikon! Can you believe it? It's the first time I've seen one of them up close.

For the record, Sheck is a man of the world and King Treeg's right hand. He's seen all sorts of shit. Lo Pheng stands out.



Remember this line.

: We'll have a chance to talk later.



Oh, you thought Brann Vichti wasn't going to show up in this story anymore? You've got another thing coming!

: Unbelievable! And he, a count! I guess anything's possible. I'm sure Stakhet will not turn his son over, even to the king. He would rather wall him up in a hole to save face.

God, I hope they Cask of Amontillado'd this fucker. That would be more interesting than anything we've seen out of him, and he deserves it a lot more than poor Fortunato.






Get ready kids! Amma's about to crack open the mystery box of the Reapers' evil plans! I'm sure this is going to be something completely original and diabolical!



: Why are you here? I'm no seer, but I sense that the Reapers are plotting something, gathering everyone here...

This is the reason no one liked Counselor Troi. Though Marina Sirtis was pretty cute I guess.



: Who are they?

: Adna, Atraakh, Dorpkhal, maybe others as well. Adna paid me a visit.

We're not quite sure whose side Adna is on, seeing as she was all wanting to serve the gods after Chila kicked her ass.

: What did she tell you? Who'd benefit from my death? Whatever the Reapers do, they do for a reason. Not many Lower Umbra left.

Get ready to open the mystery box, kids!





That's right! The hidden plot of the game that we've been desperately avoiding is the exact same plot as nearly every JRPG on the market! "Revive the dark god!"

Can you guess why everyone's so fixated on Gleda? Well, we need to put the dark god in a vessel. Just like every goddamn JRPG out there.

Look, I'm aware you can take a derivative story and tell it well. This is not told well. This is level of "subverting tropes" because it was actually the cliched bullshit all along. Waiting eight chapters to reveal that yes, the plot is just a cliche doesn't make you a clever author, it just makes the readers feel that we've wasted 8 chapters on pointless bullshit.

I'll ask the audience this: What is this story about?


Fuck off! We're discussing what's actually in the writing presented to us, death of the author and all that. Now, we can answer for what we've seen of Lo Pheng's story. Lo Pheng is about what makes a man a monster, and can he choose to overcome it? What about Thorn? Thorn hasn't grown as a character at all, he's been pinballed from place to place by cryptic bullshit. How about Hopper? Same thing, but the chains are more obvious.

Now, it's tempting to reply with "nothing", but we can go back to the wacky Christian allegory earlier. The game rewards us for blind obedience and faith in supernatural bullshit, which leads me to believe that the game is about having faith in a godless world. Much of the game is spent agonizing over whether we should listen to Chila and her riddles because we have no proof either way. Again, too, the way the curse hits Hopper is rather symbolic of the mortal condition, with Chila's promise of a cure reminiscent of Jesus' promise of eternal life.

There's a whole weird subplot running through Hopper's story about a "Triune" god who died and came back to life, which has rather unsubtle Catholic parallels if you think about it.

Yet normally this is front and center. CS Lewis leaves us no doubt that Aslan is in fact, Jesus, whereas this game buries the allegory under piles of pointlessness. Brann is bad. Extradimensional invaders (who are just people, not demons). Pointless amounts of grimdark such as children being sacrificed to blade pyramids. I'm not Christian myself, but from my Bible readings Jesus gave people hope.


Jesus is literally being tortured to death but finds the time to extend the hope of salvation to this poor guy on the cross next to him. There's no real hope in Ash of Gods. Thorn isn't rallying the gang by telling them that Chila is going to come and deliver them. Chila herself never promises to deliver anyone except by removing the bullshit curse she placed on Hopper with the assistance of Cardinal Evil.

I'm sorry. We have the rest of the Mystery Box to open.





: Did Coronzon betray the Temple of Divine Retribution?

: Could be. It's also possible that there is no distinction between the Temple of Divine Retribution and the Temple of Divine Wrath. Instead, there is only one Temple, and waging the sacred wars was simply an act of deception. When you and twelve fellow Umbra took to the field at Drowsy Deep, did you not wonder why Coronzon was not there? Nor Ananael? Nor Enay?

: That's too much. I refuse to believe it. Coronzon is one son of a bitch, but Ananael is not. Nor is Enay. Though I cannot vouch for Enay, I can tell you one thing about my curse-it is not their doing. It takes strength away from the Reaping! It upset Coronzon! Someone else had cast it!



This is the kind of shit I'm talking about. Do you know who Ananael is? I don't, and I've beaten this game multiple times. People on reddit claim he's the Umbra who founded the Temple of Divine Retribution or something. I don't even know.

: Why do you serve them again?

This is an excellent question.



Look, touching women with your crooked staff is not appropriate in public.



This is even worse!



The sex jokes just write themselves. I guess Adna's better at making Amma come than Hopper? Must be that crooked staff.

: How are they going to take Opacum?



: What do you mean, "in the wrong place"? A thousand years ago, it grew out of a chapel that was already ancient, destroying it in the process. I've touched the remaining blocks a thousand times, even dug up some of them. There's no power in these stones. I would have felt it.

Hopper please stop making innuendos.



: Are the gods not dead?





But wait! If the first four gods fought to stop him, didn't they make a mistake failing? If nothing can go wrong, why didn't he just...walk into Terminum and declare himself the lone god?

Also, Hopper did give us the warning that literally everyone could be an unreliable narrator. Have fun piecing through the dreck!

: All of Opacum will be an altar for this sacrifice... you're out of your mind! Three Umbra, some sort of sign, a Chosen One, a divine incarnation... Who told you this nonsense? Was it Adna? Do you know that you cannot trust a single word she says?

"Worse, Hopper. It was the writers."



: Amma, let's forget all our misfortunes and leave this place together.



She sounds just like Adna here.






Let's end this chapter so I can go forget about it.



: A bell begins to toll over the keep. From the west, still far away, comes the twangy melody of Frisian horns and the beating of war drums. The distance muffles the clanging armor and marching feet, the squeaking axles of supply carts-but the wind carries a faint odor of sweat, dirt, and greasy cooking. Frisian legions are approaching Opacum. The siege will begin in a matter of hours. The sun is disappearing behind dark clouds.



Next time: Can we get Thorn's dumb ass to Opacum so we can see the end game? Is Brann still Bad? Can Hopper get Amma to make-out point? Find out next time!